The 3 Layers of Rebuilding Self-Trust from the Inside Out

Self-trust is a critical personality development that allows you to function in the world. It helps you interact with others in a healthy manner, form opinions and stick to them and simply rely on your own judgement. Self-trust is not something you ‘have’ or not: it’s a skill you build and rebuild when broken. It has layers, making it a process to work through- but we are here to help guide you through it.

Layer 1: Internal Awareness

Layer one sounds simple: listening to your needs and judgements. But it is often hard to do this, especially when you have been ignoring signals for so long. Many of us are disconnected from ourselves. Numbed by distractions or repression. But if we cannot hear what we really think, there is no way to trust yourself!

To rebuild awareness first start by noticing your emotions with as little judgement as possible. If you are worked up, try your best to identify what you’re feeling. Overwhelmed? Anger? Sadness? Anxiousness? Simply naming them is signaling your needs to yourself. Do the same with your body: check if your shoulders or jaw are tight, what makes your heart drop or puts a pit in your stomach.

You can take this a step further by journaling about them. Using prompts like “how did this really make me feel” helps you dive deeper into your emotions and needs. The beautiful part about journaling is that you can be as honest as possible because no one will read it! There’s no pressure to please others, or to sugar coat anything- it is for your eyes only. This confidentiality allows you to identify your emotions and needs in a genuine way.

These simple check-ins allow you to reconnect with yourself. You can’t trust yourself if you are disconnected!

Layer 2: Inner Integrity

Self trust erodes when our actions do not align with our intentions. We often try to rebuild self-trust in grand ways, or overnight. But this is nearly impossible. Self trust is rebuilt through small commitments to yourself everyday and keeping them.

Start with something small and realistic. For example, say you overcommit to work because you want to please your boss. So you go above and beyond and work overtime multiple times a week. But weeks of this pass, and you get burnt out, leaving no time for yourself and your needs. A small realistic commitment could be I am going to keep one day after work for myself, and say no to working late. This is choosing yourself. This is listening to your needs and keeping a boundary.

Commit to these goals, focusing on consistency over perfection. Consistently sticking to these goals proves to yourself that you are building integrity by listening to your needs.

Layer 3: Self-Trust in Action

The self-trust you have been working on building is fortified when you use it in real life decisions. Having a healthy self trust can look like:

• Accepting mistakes without internalizing them: you can make mistakes and still trust yourself and your judgement. You are not the mistake, the mistake is the mistake.

• Healthy and productive leadership: having self-trust allows you to make decisions that align with your needs and morals. It allows you to have confidence in your choices without needing excessive reassurance from external sources.

• Reflection over regretting: when mistakes inevitably happen, instead of regretting our choices, self-trust allows us to reflect back and learn. We trust that we made the right decision with the information we had, and we learn for next time. It allows us to be responsive.

Rebuilding self-trust is not a linear path. It is a continuous effort, making it important to have patience and compassion for yourself. If this journey is too overwhelming for you to tackle on your own, contact us at 416-949-9878 or info@georgetowncouplestherapy.com.