Reviving Romance: Overcoming Bedroom Challenges with Your Partner

Ashley and Mike have been dealing with a common issue in their bedroom: differing libidos. Early in their relationship, they were extremely passionate and inseparable. However, as responsibilities like kids, work, and stress entered their lives, Ashley's libido significantly decreased, while Mike's remained unchanged. Over time, the lack of intimacy started to frustrate Mike, and attempts to discuss the issue with Ashley only resulted in arguments. 

While attempting to talk about their sexual issues, Mike and Ashley made some typical errors. When expressing his desire for intimacy, Mike told Ashley, “You never want to have sex with me anymore, what happened to you?” Ashley replied, “All you think about is sex, why are you so needy?” Both feel overlooked, frustrated, and confused. Rather than resorting to negativity and anger, Mike and Ashley could consider the tips we are about to discuss. 

When having a tough conversation about a problem you are experiencing in the bedroom, it's essential to keep these few tips in mind:

Create a Safe Space For the Conversation 

• Set aside time for the conversation. Scheduling a time to sit down, and have a tough conversation with each other can help you both prepare by getting relaxed and comfortable. 

• Pick a neutral location. When having a tough conversation with your partner, pick a private location where you are both comfortable, and are free from any distractions. Picking a quiet, private location will increase listening, and create a setting that puts you both at ease. 

Using Affirmation and Appreciation

Using positive affirmations and appreciation can help balance the conversation to allow for growth instead of anger. 

• Begin the conversation with positivity by expressing your love and appreciation for your partner, and how addressing these issues together is only an emphasis of your love for each other. 

• Remind each other of the positive aspects of your relationship. 

Expressing your Feelings with Sensitivity

Having conversations about problems in the bedroom can be tough. Approaching these conversations with sensitivity can help ease stress and can ease the process. 

• Use “I” statements to express your own feelings. 

• Be specific about your problem/feelings. 

• Focus on a solution. Instead of dwelling on negative experiences, or blaming each other, it's important to focus on finding a solution as a team.

• Avoid blaming your partner.

• Offer reassurance. Show your partner that you are committed to finding a solution together. 

Practice Active Listening

• Avoid interrupting your partner. 

• Give your full attention. Maintaining eye contact and ignoring any distractions shows your partner you are truly listening. 

• Validate your partner's experiences and feelings, even if you don't agree with them. 

• Reflect their feelings. Summarizing your partner's feelings can help you both understand each other better. 

Seek Professional Help

Engaging in difficult discussions about sex, or your relationship as a whole, is crucial for resolving problems. Professional couples counselling can assist you and your partner in navigating these challenging conversations.

By keeping these tips in mind, Ashley and Mike managed to have a very productive conversation about their intimacy issues. Ashley used "I" statements to express that her busy life made it difficult for her to focus on sex. They talked about how Mike helping more with household tasks and sending the kids to their grandma's for the weekend could relieve some of her stress, enabling them to spend more time together. After a few weeks of going on dates and receiving more help at home, Ashley felt less stressed and more loved and appreciated by her partner, which allowed her to reconnect intimately with her husband.

If you're experiencing mismatched libidos in your marriage, contact us for a free consultation at 416 949 9878 or email us at info@georgetowncouplestherapy.com. We can assist in identifying some of the underlying causes and help you find a solution.