Why Grief is Essential to Healing After Divorce

Divorce is not nearly as simple as signing papers and moving on. It is a complex event often filled with grief. But why do we grieve after divorce?

Identifying the Grief 

Divorce isn't just the loss of a person. A partner is someone you shared vulnerable and intimate moments with- often for years of your life.

Marriages include shared plans for the future and familiarity and routine. This creates security which is lost with the divorce or separation.

This is what makes divorce feel so heavy- it’s not just a person you are losing it is also part of your identity.

Grief can take both mental and physical forms. It can cause changes in appetite or increase fatigue. Identifying the ways divorce impacts your body and mind is the first step to healing

Recognize Emotions From Grief Can be Confusing

The emotions that arise with divorce can often be conflicting. You may feel like you feel relief one day and anger the next day. Even if you initiated the divorce, you still experience the loss of security and identity. Remind yourself that healing is not linear, and grief causes complex feelings that are hard to understand.

You may have already been grieving while in the relationship. Mourning a more positive time in your relationship, or the person they used to be. This can cause divorce to feel like a relief some days.

Understand the Function of Grief

Grief isn’t random- it serves the purpose of working through loss. Oftentimes people try to avoid these heavy feelings with distractions, by jumping into new relationships, or simply repressing their feelings. 

Unprocessed grief can look like:

• Emotional numbness

• Resentment

• Unexplainable anxiety

• Repeated patterns of behavior in relationships

It is important that you face these emotions as they come up. Repression is a temporary fix that often causes problems to become more deeply rooted in your everyday life. Actively working through grief allows you to feel closure.

Reframing 

Divorce is an extremely difficult experience. Grieving and experiencing the multifaceted emotions that come with divorce do not make you broken- it makes you a functioning individual! Grief means that you had a connection with someone. And that in of itself is special.

Healing is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of resilience and strength. It’s adapting to new circumstances and making room for new relationships and attachments. It allows you to reflect on your relationship and understand what you learned, where you grew, where you lost yourself and how you want to approach new relationships.

If you would like to talk to a professional therapist to help navigate your grief through your divorce, we are here to support you. Contact us at 416-949-9878 or info@georgetowncouplestherapy.com.