Do you or your partner struggle to share household tasks? You are not alone, many couples find it difficult to find a healthy equal balance that satisfies both individuals. Whether you find yourself unsatisfied with your partner's cleaning abilities, or you have trouble dividing them fairly, this article will outline several tips that can guide you and your partner….
Sharing household responsibilities with your partner is more than just dividing tasks down the middle; it's about sharing mutual respect, cooperation, and understanding. In this fast paced world, when partners are juggling life demands, social obligations, a busy career, and children, finding a healthy approach to balance household tasks can help ease stress and help improve your relationship!
Make a list of every chore and errand. This may seem very tedious but writing down each task on a list, a spreadsheet, or a shared notes app, and making sure to include invisible tasks like paying bills or managing appointments.
Go through your list. Once you have written down every task, go through the list and label who handles what task currently. This may point out how you are completing more tasks than your partner or vice versa. This list will be a great way to help you and your partner find areas that need improvement.
Narrow the list. Now that you have outlined all household responsibilities, find tasks that are essential to keep your daily life functioning well and make them a priority. Priority tasks and chores like cleaning the kitchen and laundry are essential to keeping a clean and stress-free home. Meanwhile it is also important to prioritize tasks that benefit you like date nights, or small remodeling projects. While prioritizing tasks, you can also cut out responsibilities that may not make sense to your household. Instead of making the bed every morning, taking that five minutes in the morning to have coffee with your partner and talk about your day ahead may be more beneficial to your relationship and household than a made up bed.
Assign responsibilities. After refining your list of chores, the next step is to split up the household work between you and your partner. You likely won't be able to split the tasks 50/50 but you can try to aim for a workload that feels fair to each partner. When assigning responsibilities there are several things to keep in mind…
Complete the tasks you prefer to do. Taking responsibility for tasks that you prefer done a certain way, or you prefer doing in general will help you avoid unnecessary anger or stress. Sometimes cleaning tasks can bring people joy, and finding which ones you and your partner prefer doing can help you maintain lower levels of stress and more happiness.
Consider your partner's feelings/other responsibilities. We often get so wrapped up with the problems in our own lives we forget our partner deals with them as well. When your partner begins slacking on their responsibilities, before getting upset, try to first think about the daily stressors and tasks they are completing while you're away from them.
Share the hard chores. There are several household tasks that often take a lot more energy than others. Dividing up the heavier tasks like nighttime feedings or cleaning out the trash bins can help you and your partner feel like your share of the tasks are equal. If one partner is constantly doing midnight feedings, taking out the trash, and other household tasks, this can lead to cleaning burnout which can cause a lot of strain on an individual.
Allow your partner to do tasks their way. One of the main tips for creating a healthy household chore dynamic is allowing your partner to clean the way they want without being nitpicked. One reason why someone might not enjoy helping with household tasks is if they feel they are constantly being critiqued or watched. If you ask your partner for help and find they are doing it “wrong”, it might be better to just complete that task yourself or find time to agree on a standard of cleanliness with your partner. Getting upset with your partner for doing a task wrong, while trying to help you, might stop them from helping you with that task in the future. This is why it is so important to find tasks that you and your partner enjoy, and that you are good at in order to maintain harmony.
Appreciate your partner. When creating a healthy cleaning dynamic, taking time to thank and appreciate your partner for completing a task is a great way to associate cleaning with positive reinforcement. Knowing that completing a task will make your partner happy and thankful is one way a person can be motivated to complete more tasks.
Sharing household tasks is not about dividing them 50/50 or making sure they're all done perfectly; it's about creating a sense of respect, and partnership. By setting clear expectations and appreciating each other's efforts, you can create a much healthier and harmonious home environment. Small everyday actions like having coffee ready for your partner in the morning or putting the laundry away help create a foundation of mutual respect and understanding. When both partners actively work to share household responsibilities, it not only lightens the load, but it strengthens the bond between a couple.
If the division of responsibilities or the emotional burden is creating issues in your relationship, feel free to reach out to us at info@georgetowncouplestherapy.com or 416 949 9878 to schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation. At times, having an impartial third party can assist you in navigating through these challenges.
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