Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is one of the most effective, evidence based therapeutic techniques used to help couples build stronger emotional connections by fostering a secure connection between partners.
In 1988, the Emotionally focused therapy technique was developed by Dr. Sue Johnson who based her research on attachment theory. Attachment theory suggests that first interactions with your primary caregiver and the quality of bonding you experienced can often determine how well you respond to intimacy throughout life. EFT can help couples understand, express and respond to each others emotions in a way that can help strengthen their connection. Individuals having trouble expressing, and receiving emotions which often stem from insecure attachment styles, are perfect candidates for EFT.
Who can benefit?
EFT is especially useful for couples who are in emotional distress, fear, anger, grief or loss of trust. EFT is a first step for couples who are sharing intense negative emotions, and may feel their relationship is irreparable. EFT is also useful for couples who have difficulty expressing emotions, have trouble regulating emotions, or feel they are showing weakness doing so. EFT can also be incredible useful for individuals who are in trauma recovery, learning to to rebuilt trust and closeness, and individuals who experienced family relationship trauma.
Individuals experiencing insure, anxious or avoidant attachment styles are perfect candidates for EFT.
Emotionally focused therapy is based on the concept that all humans have a deep need for emotional attachment. During development, the first emotional bond you create with your primary caregiver can have intense, long lasting impacts on your future adult relationships. Individuals who are not “securely” attached, may have issues forming healthy, mature, emotional connections.
What are Attachment Styles?
Secure Attachments
When a primary caregiver is able to actively engage with you as an infant, effectively manage their stress, and make you feel safe and secure, this enables your nervous system to become “securely attached.” A strong bond of secure attachment can create a future adult who is comfortable expressing their feelings, can take responsibility for mistakes, actively seeks and provides support.
Insecure attachments
Anxious
Individuals who’s primary caregiver was inconsistent, sometimes engaged to your needs, other times are distracted or unavailable often form a “anxious attachment.” Inconsistent parenting can leave an individual uncertain that their needs are ever going to be met. This attachment style is later reflected in adults who struggle to fully trust their romantic partners, become jealous when away from them, and need constant reassurance.
Avoidant-dismissive
Individuals who have a avoidant-dismissive insecure attachment on the other hand are so afraid of emotional connection, and closeness that they would rather no one emotionally relied on them. Avoidant dismissive attachment is when an individuals primary caregiver was unavailable, or flat out rejected them during their infancy. Rejecting and infant who requires a lot of attention and love, often results in them learning how to emotionally self-soothe. This often leads an individual to crave independence, and avoid any intimacy.
Disorganized
Individuals who grew up with a primary caregiver that was dealing with unresolved trauma or repeatedly causes a state of fear in a child often end up with a disorganized attachment style. Often their parents acted as both a sense of comfort and fear for their child, resulting in many needs being overlooked. Disorganized attachments is often in children who experienced abuse, neglect, or trauma. Because the parent both comforted, and frightened their child, this made it difficult to learn to how to self-soothe emotions.
What does EFT do?
Couples can get caught in a negative cycle of interacting, where unresolved emotions like jealousy, anger, and insecurity, can push partners further apart, making resolutions harder to reach. Finding a therapist that uses EFT can help you and your partner identify these negative cycles. Cycles like blame, defensiveness, or withdrawal can be hard to shake, therapists specializing in EFT can help you break that cycle to create a much healthier, positive one. Understanding the cycles will help couples address the truth behind underlying emotions that could be driving the conflict.
Working with a therapist who specializes in EFT can help individuals become more emotionally accessible and responsive. Once we can identify negative cycles of interactions, the nest step is to dive into the emotions hiding under the surface. When partners can be vulnerable, open and actively listen to their partner is feelings, this can create a healhtier method of solving conflict. EFT therapy provides individuals and couples a safe space to get comfortable talking about emotions, feelings, fears, and insecurities.
How does it work?
First, a therapist who specialized in EFT will help you and your partners identify patterns of negative interactions and the potential emotions underlying it. Partners learn to recognize their emotions, acknowledge their feelings, which will reduce blame and create a safe space for empathy. As couples learn to recognize their emotions, they can learn how to de-escalate conflicts and resolve them faster.
Then, the therapist will work with the couple to help them express their attachment needs and emotions in a way they reduces defensiveness and fosters closeness. Learning how to be emotionally vulnerable allows partners to create a deeper, long lasting connection and understanding of one another. The main goal of EFT is to take previous negative patterns of interaction into more positive, supportive patterns of conflict resolution.
Emotionally focused therapy is a very highly effective method of improving relationship satisfaction, emotional closeness, and trust. EFT can lead to increased emotional intimacy, better communication and conflict resolution, and reduced relationship stress.
For more information about EFT and how it can help your relationship, contact us on 416 949 9878 or email us on info@georgetowncouplestherapy.com
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