You may or may not have heard the term “gaslighting” used on social media or television but many people don't actually know what it means. The term gaslighting actually comes from the 1939 play “Gaslight” where a husband attempts to convince his wife she cannot trust her own mind. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse whereby a person or group manipulates one or more people into questioning their sanity and perception of reality. This manipulative tactic can undermine a person's perception of reality, causing them to doubt their own feelings, thoughts and experiences.
What Does Gaslighting Look Like?
Constant Denial of your Own Reality. A gaslighter will constantly deny facts, even when presented with real evidence, they deny. When confronted with evidence the gaslighter might say “You’re making things up” “That didn't happen” “I never said that”
Minimize your Feelings. A gaslighter will almost always use your emotions against you, they might say things like “Why are you acting like that” “You’re overreacting”
Create Confusion. Gaslighters are great at creating confusion to try and change your reality. Constantly changing their stories, twisting your words, and using them against you, with the goal of leaving you unsure of what is reality.
Blame you For Their Behaviour. Gaslighters are great at shifting the blame of their actions onto you. They might say things like “If you weren't so crazy, I wouldn't have to act like this” “You made me do this”.
Isolate you From Others. One of the most dangerous things that gaslighters can do is isolate you from family, friends and even colleagues. Gaslighters do this to prevent the victim from understanding the truth and controlling their every move.
Gaslighting is an incredibly manipulative abuse tactic that can be found in all types of relationships. Gaslighting is most commonly found in romantic relationships. Overtime, gaslighting in a romantic relationship becomes incredibly dangerous when abuse is coupled with isolation, and the victim begins to feel trapped in a very reliant relationship.
However, gaslighting is not limited to romantic relationships. It’s also common to see this behaviour in the workplace and in families. In the workplace, gaslighting is when someone denies conversations, dismisses your contributions or distorts events. Gaslighting in the workplace can severely damage job performance, confidence and mental health. Families are also known to use gaslighting to try and manipulate and control children. When recalling a past event, families might say “You were too young to remember that” “You are remembering it wrong”.
How do you respond to gaslighting?
If you believe you or a friend is a victim of gaslighting, it is so important to take action when you can.
Trust your Gut. If something inside you is feeling uncomfortable or nervous, trust that instinct. Even if you can't quite put your finger on what is making you feel uncomfortable, recognizing that feeling is the first step to moving forward.
Keep a Record of Everything. One way to stay grounded in your reality is by documenting conversations, events, arguments, and their overall behavior. Having this evidence will help remind you of the truth and can be used when confronting your abuser.
Seek Support. Gaslighting thrives on isolation. Staying connected or reconnecting with friends, family, or therapist is a great way to validate your experiences and provide clarity to the situation. Additionally, victims of gaslighting will benefit from having someone there to remind them of the truth and protect them from future manipulation.
Set Boundaries. Establishing extremely clear physical boundaries can help protect you from further manipulation.
Seek Professional Help. If you have been a victim of gaslighting, seeking professional help is a great way to help rebuild your confidence and heal from emotional damage.
Gaslighting is a very subtle form of emotional abuse that can have dangerous, long lasting effects on someone's mental health. By understanding the definition, recognizing the signs, and knowing when to seek help, victims of gaslighting can reclaim their sense of reality and self-worth. No one deserves to have someone continuously trying to alter their sense of reality.
If you suspect gaslighting is occurring in your relationship, contact us on 416 949 9878 to learn how we can support you. We can also be reached on info@georgetowncouplestherapy.com
Comments