Practical Steps to Soothe Yourself (And Your Partner) When Emotions Feel Too Big

In moments of conflict, emotions often feel overwhelming causing us to shut down. Regulating your emotions allows you to meet your feelings with compassion and understanding rather than panic. By learning how to soothe yourself and your partner, you are able to make space for even the biggest emotions.

In the Moment

When emotions feel too big to handle, follow these practical steps to soothe yourself or your partner:

1. Pause:

Take a moment to recognize you are feeling overwhelmed and take a deep breath. Taking a minute allows you to meet the emotions as they are rather than repressing them.

2. Identify:

Break these big emotions into their components. How are these emotions affecting your body? Is it making your heart beat quickly or causing heat flashes? How are these emotions impacting your mind? Is it making your mind race? Are you panicking? Jumping to conclusions? By breaking the overwhelming experience into smaller components, your emotions feel easier to face.

3. Soothe:

Soothe your body: Soothing your body allows you to restore your nervous system. Having a calm body allows you to be mindful- even when your emotions feel too big to handle. Somatic soothing can look like:

• Deep breaths or running through breathing exercise (such as box breathing)

• Cool down with cold water on wrists, face or neck

• Full body relaxation exercise: Scan your body head to toe. Do you sense any tension? Common areas of stress in the body include the shoulders, neck or holding your breath

• Co-grounding techniques: Grounding with your partner doesn’t have to be complicated. Practices as simple as matching your breathing or holding hands can be a gentle form of grounding and connecting with your partner

Soothe your mind: Validate your or your partner’s emotions. Emotions can sometimes take over our whole body and mind- it is okay to feel this way. Being overwhelmed by emotions does not make you weak, it makes you human.

Prevention

Reframe

Reframing the way we see emotions can significantly impact the way we experience them. Consider the following traps we fall into when thinking about emotions or support:

• Emotions are signals, not threats. Listen to what your body is telling you!

• Understand you aren’t there to fix your partner, you are there to support them. Reminding them that you are available for support with phrases such as “I’m here with you” can be grounding and bring security.

• Soothing yourself allows you to engage with your emotions in a healthier, less panicked and productive way. Being able to soothe yourself helps both you and your partner during times of stress.

Understand for the Future

Understand what your partner needs in times of conflict:

• Do they prefer co-regulation or self-regulation?

• Do they prefer a listening ear or solutions?

• What makes conflict feel even more overwhelming and how can we avoid this overwhelm?

• Do they prefer space or time together during conflict?

Soothing yourself gives you the space needed to feel emotions instead of repressing them. If emotions feel too difficult to tackle alone, our therapists at Couples Therapy Centre can support you during overwhelming times. Visit www.georgetowncouplestherapy.com or call 416 949 9878 to book a free no obligation consultation.