Co-parenting after divorce can be a tricky situation for both parents to navigate but it can also create long-lasting effects on the children. It's so important for divorced parents to create a healthy, cohesive dynamic that will benefit both the parents and the children. After a divorce, it can be hard to manage your own emotions let alone as a team.
In this blog, various methods will be discussed on how parents can enhance their relationship for the well-being of themselves and their children while co-parenting post-divorce.
One of the first things you need to do is let go of anger. In order to have a healthy co-parenting relationship, it is essential to work through your emotions. Although it may require a significant amount of time, establishing a positive relationship with your ex-partner for the sake of your child will be invaluable. Talking to friends, family, or a therapist about your feelings can help guide you to a place where you and your former partner can work together cohesively. You and your former partner may not have been the best romantic team, but you might be surprised to find you work better as a team for your child or children.
When starting to develop a quality co-parenting relationship it’s important to understand a few basic rules.
Your ex-partner is not evil. No matter how much you dislike your former partner, you need to try to avoid thinking of them in a negative way.
Admit to your past mistakes. It's important to try not to think of yourself as the “angel parent”, acknowledging your wrongs is important as well.
Keep co-parenting about the child. Instead of thinking of it as a former romantic relationship, think of it as a business-relationship, be formal and polite. Focus on the present, not the past.
Do not make your child pick sides. Avoid talking negatively about your former partner around your child completely.
Work with a therapist with your former partner to work through any former resentment and anger. This will benefit your co-parenting relationship and your child.
Co-parenting can be difficult at first but there are several things you can do to help you work more cohesively with your former partner.
Understand effective vs equal parenting. Not all co-parenting routines look the same, but co-parenting teams find that dividing the work equally is not beneficial for them. Focusing on making co-parenting equal can lead to unmet expectations which results in uncooperative and unsupportive behaviors. Instead, viewing each other as equally valuable to their team can help create a more healthy relationship.
Create non-negotiables. As children grow and decisions are made that will impact their lives, it's important for parents to be on the same page when it comes to how they will raise their child. Creating a list of “non-negotiables” such as religious involvement, education, and discipline will help maintain your parenting. After identifying the big issues it can be a lot easier to let go of the “little” things.
Work on communication. Creating a business-like environment for communication can help encourage more respect and child-focused conversations. When navigating co-parenting, scheduling conversations, and meetings can improve communication drastically. Having face to face conversations helps avoid misinterpretations as well as help improve your relationship. It's also important to show restraint when feeling angry, listen actively, and keep the conversation child focused.
Improve your relationship with your former partner. One thing that will really help with co-parenting is rebuilding a civil, and respectful relationship with your ex. It will be difficult at first, and may not be possible at all for some, but with time a healthy relationship will make co-parenting smoother. To help with that process you can begin by asking your former partner's opinion, apologize when needed, and try your very best to relax when co-parenting. Taking small steps can help you form a beneficial co-parenting relationship for both you and your child.
Referenced.
Co-Parenting after Divorce:
Opportunities and challenges By Catherine K. Buckley, PhD
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