top of page

Healing your Insecure Attachment Style: A Guide to Building Secure Relationships

It's all too common to hear about how clients' attachment styles are used against them, with labels like anxious or avoidant causing individuals to feel judged and confined. I want to emphasize that having an insecure attachment style doesn't mean you're broken.

Instead, I invite you to recognize the remarkable adaptability of your nervous system and brain. Your insecure attachment style developed as a survival strategy in response to your upbringing or past relationships – a means of self-protection that served its purpose at the time.

However, what once protected you may now be inadvertently restricting your ability to experience freedom and connection in your current relationships.

Let's explore examples of how your protection can transform into a prison:

1. Withdrawing behaviours:

  • Protection: As a child, withdrawing may have been a coping mechanism during stressful times to maintain a semblance of calm.

  • Prison: In an intimate relationship, withdrawing can make your partner feel abandoned, leading to a disconnect.

  • Goal: Learning to be present in relationships and navigating stress together fosters closeness and intimacy.

2. Pursuing Behaviours:

  • Protection: Growing up in a loud environment, you may have learned to be heard by turning up the volume.

  • Prison: In relationships, this may make your partner feel inadequate, as they encounter the loud rather than the soft side of you.

  • Goal: Embracing softness while still expressing your needs creates space for personal and relational growth.

The first step toward building a secure relationship involves recognizing and naming these protective patterns. Research suggests that understanding these strategies empowers us to transform them, moving from a place of disconnection to emotional closeness.

You can discover new strategies to build meaningful connections in your relationships. If you're ready to break free from the prison of disconnection and cultivate emotionally safe relationships, call 416 949 9878 or go to to meet with one of our therapists today.

You deserve a relationship where you can connect freely and closely.


bottom of page