Do you feel Insecure in your Relationship?

Becoming more secure in relationships, especially when you have an anxious attachment style, is definitely a process. The first step is recognizing the patterns in yourself and in your relationship.

One key area to focus on is building your own self-worth and independence. It’s important to cultivate a sense of security within yourself, so that you’re less reliant on external validation. Things like setting boundaries, focusing on your own needs, and practicing self-compassion can help you feel more grounded.

Another aspect is learning to tolerate uncertainty. Anxious attachment often thrives on needing constant reassurance. It might help to remind yourself that not everything needs immediate resolution. Taking a step back when you’re feeling anxious, or practicing calming techniques, can reduce the intensity of that need for constant reassurance.

Finally, working on communication skills—like expressing your feelings without blaming or becoming overly dependent on your partner—can also help create a more secure connection.

Does any of this resonate with what you’ve noticed in yourself?

Becoming more independent, especially when you have an anxious attachment style, is about shifting the focus back onto yourself and learning to meet your own needs. Here are a few ways to start:

First, spend time doing things that make you feel good on your own, whether that’s a hobby, exercise, or something creative. The more you engage in activities that you enjoy solo, the more you build confidence in yourself and in your ability to take care of yourself.

Second, try setting small boundaries, even in everyday situations. For example, if you need time alone to recharge, allow yourself that time without feeling guilty. Learning to say no or take space when you need it helps reinforce your independence.

Also, start making decisions without relying on validation from others. Trusting your own judgment, even in small decisions, can help you feel more secure in yourself. This might be as simple as choosing what to eat for dinner or deciding how to spend your free time.

Lastly, practice self-soothing techniques for when you’re feeling anxious. You can comfort yourself with deep breathing, journaling, or positive affirmations—this helps you feel more in control and less reliant on others to manage your emotions.

How do you feel about focusing on these small steps for now? Does any of them seem like a good starting point?

Developing a sense of security in your relationship and within yourself takes time. Be patient as you go through this process. If you're interested in working with a professional therapist, reach out to us at 416 949 9878 or email us at info@georgetowncouplestherapy.com