In a heated argument or fight with your partner, your emotions can flare up and make it difficult to have a constructive conversation. Instead of letting emotions and anger escalate the argument, you might want to try taking a “timeout”. Arguments can cause your body to go into fight or flight mode, which limits your ability to access proper executive thought which allows you to process your words in an argument. This can make it difficult to focus, and organize your thoughts and limits your ability to manage emotions like anger or sadness.

Timeouts aren't only helpful for calming down a screaming toddler, it can also be a powerful tool that will help you and your partner regain composure, to allow you both to communicate in a healthier way. It can also prevent hurtful words or actions that could cause further anger or injury. Timeouts can and should be used as a healthy way to facilitate conflict resolution during arguments. Below we outlined the 5 most important tips to remember when using time-outs in your relationship.

Set rules when calm

When you and your partner are both in a good place with each other, this is the time to set clear rules and boundaries that you will both follow during your timeouts. Decide together if you will verbally call “timeout” or use a hand signal to tell your partner it's time to take a break. You can also agree on a common goal or desired outcome of the timeout together so that both of you are aware of why the timeout was needed. It's also essential to express that timeouts are because one partner needs to take a moment to calm down, and regain their thoughts, often to protect the feelings of the other partner.

Recognize when to call timeout

You and your partner know your relationship best. You know when an argument is no longer “normal”, when tensions rise, and when it becomes extremely emotionally charged, it might be the perfect moment to call a timeout. If you are struggling to organize your thoughts, manage your emotions, or properly communicate your feelings, it's often best to step away from the conversation and regain your composure.

Set your intentions

When communicating your need for a break, its essential to use “I” statements to express your need for a timeout, without putting any blame on your partner. “I am really overwhelmed right now, I need an hour to myself”. Give a time frame, and explain why you need a break. Storming off without talking to your partner, you leave them anxiously waiting for you to return.

Use your timeout efficiently

During the timeout, take some time to decompress from the argument, watch some tv, read a book, meditate, go for a walk, or find any way to calm your body down after it's been in fight or flight mode. When you have relaxed, take some time to try and reflect on your thoughts, but, remember, the point is to try and return to the conversation with a calm, and clear head.

Aim for a resolution

When you cannot see exactly eye to eye on a subject, try to work on finding common ground or seek some sort of resolution with your partner. Rather than trying to determine who is right and wrong, find a resolution. Using active listening skills allows you to focus on, understand, and respond to each other's viewpoints in a way that helps you achieve common ground. Active listening includes turning off distractions, giving full attention, making eye contact, or nodding your head. Repeating and paraphrasing what your partner has said can help you confirm your understanding. Avoid deflecting, judging, or interrupting, focus rather on understanding their perspective before forming your opinion.

Conflicts are going to happen in relationships, they're inevitable, but knowing how to navigate them will help strengthen your relationship. Timeouts will lead to more effective conflict resolution by fostering understanding, emotional regulation, and respect in arguments.. The next time you find tensions running high during an argument with your partner, take a step back for a timeout.

For assistance in managing conflict within your relationship, reach out to Couples Therapy Centre. We offer strategies to help deescalate situations and foster reconnection. info@georgetowncouplestherapy.com