- Emmanuelle Idisi
Help me Fix My Relationship - It’s Falling Apart!
“Love is not about finding the right person but creating the right relationship. It’s not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end.” —Unknown
Most of us are taught to be independent, and this is an incredible discipline; to be self-made and self-sustainable. But taken to the extreme, this attitude is guaranteed to interfere with how we build relationships.
Your partner is a human being brimming with flaws and awful failings but also with strengths and integrity. Beware of abandoning someone just because they require some inner repair work. You do, too.
This feeling is not to say that you should settle for an unhealthy situation. Still, a successful relationship entails honest work, and the payoff can be gratifying in terms of finding and keeping long-term love.
However, you are probably asking yourself, “Can My Relationship be Fixed?”
And the answer is YES!
Broken relationships can be fixed, but fixing them is often harder than breaking them. If you want to reset your relationship, you have to be ready for a fresh start. This means starting with a deepened understanding of yourself and what went wrong.
Reasons Some Relationships Fall Apart?
1. Clashing Expectations
Somewhere along the line, the two of you came to expect different things from each other. This isn’t a good or bad thing, it just is, and it’s something that happens naturally over time. We change, and as we change, the things we want from life and the people around us change too. The key to happiness is realizing that everything is impermanent and finding acceptance around that.
2. Trust Issues
Trust issues can stem from many factors, including childhood trauma and relationship injuries. Still, it often leads to unsavoury behaviours that can be damaging, not only to ourselves, but to our partners. When we don’t trust the people around us, we leap into unreasonable rigidity, infidelity, jealousy and possessiveness. If trust is a major issue in your relationship, you must examine whether that lack of trust is based on a pattern of evidence.
How you communicate with your partner can be one of the biggest indicators of your partnership and whether it will be successful. If you treat one another regularly with contempt, which is the opposite of respect, then odds are your relationship is going to fail.
You’d think we’d be wise enough to choose partners compatible with who and what we are, but that’s not always the case. Some of us are so desperate to love that we’ll settle down with anyone that will have us.
Ways To Fix a Relationship That is Falling Apart
1. Love Your Partner the Way They Want to Receive Love.
Make a list of responses to: “I feel loved when you …” Anything goes, for example, take out the trash, buy me jewelry, initiate sex. Exchange lists. Take the love language quiz with your partner. It might help you figure out how you and your partner want to be loved.
2. Express Gratitude for “The Things your Partner is Supposed to Do Anyway.”
Most people thank their partners when they do something special. What if you thanked her for cooking a meal or him for mowing the lawn? But wait. “Why should I thank my partner for the routine chores?” The answer: “Because it feels good.” Every drop of love you express nurtures and feeds the relationship.
3. Forgive Past Hurt
More often than not, a breakdown in our relationship results from a failure to resolve a previous hurt, misunderstanding or injury. If past conflicts haven’t been fully worked through, those wounds can stay open for a long time; festering and bleeding until they become toxic to your relationship. Forgive your partner for their missteps and acknowledge that they are human. If something they did continues to negatively affect you, bring it up with them in a soft and gently manner.
4. Focus on Healing Yourself
Many problems that emerge in our lives are directly related to underlying mental or emotional struggles we have been dealing with all along. If you are struggling with anxiety, depression, anger or insecurity, for example, work towards managing these struggles through therapy, journaling, or other forms of self help.
Keep these tips in mind, but we highly recommend them as you move forward working with your partner. Couples therapy can help as it's sometimes necessary to have an outside experts' perspective, someone who understands the common pitfalls couples fall into.
However, Individual therapy can help you find the strength to move on and move forward without your partner.
Whichever path you choose, an important thing to do is to make sure that you prioritize your mental and physical health. After all, if you’re not the best version of yourself, putting forth the effort for a successful relationship becomes really difficult.