Affair Recovery in Georgetown, ON
If you have been betrayed by your partner, you are likely feeling tremendous hurt, anger, confusion and humiliation. You need to know all the details of the affair, and you may also need time to process all those details. You will never forget and you’re not sure if you can ever forgive. This is especially true if your partner is dismissive, making excuses, or denying aspects of the affair. What’s worse, your partner may be pointing out your faults. You need to know the truth. You also need your partner to truly understand the pain they have caused you, be genuinely sorry, and then share their remorse with you.
Partners who have betrayed often feel shame, guilt and confusion. You may be trying to justify your actions out of frustration that your needs were not met by your partner. Sometimes you defend your behaviours and feel angry that the problems in your relationship were never dealt with. You may be considering leaving and feel a sense of hopelessness that your relationship can ever get back on track.
Ultimately, the best-case scenario when working with affairs is that the affair has completely ended and both people are saying that they are choosing to stay in this relationship and are committed to work through it. It’s very difficult to get anywhere in therapy and move forward in your relationship if the affair is ongoing.
You can recover from an affair, but the affair must be completely over. We won’t be getting far in affair recovery therapy if there is a third person in the picture. Also, you both need to have a sense of hope, commitment and motivation to work on the relationship. Oftentimes, affair recovery therapy is still helpful if one person is ambivalent or just not sure where to go from here.
With enough support and hard work on your part, our program for affair recovery may help you reach a level of commitment, trust and understanding in your relationship that is stronger than ever before.
Working with affairs is some of the hardest work we do as couples therapists. We will never judge, take sides or place blame. Instead we will listen to both of your stories, whether you are the betrayer or the betrayed, and validate all the feelings that arise. All feelings are real and of equal importance. It is essential that we look at the bigger picture and understand what led to the affair. It is never as simple as the partner who cheated is a bad person because they did something wrong. We will provide empathy to both partners and help you work through your feelings of broken trust, pain and tremendous loss.
What is Infidelity?
It’s difficult to fully define infidelity as this relies on how you and your partner define it. In other words, infidelity can be defined in many different ways as its meaning can vary greatly among couples and even between partners. For instance, some believe that in order for infidelity to have taken place, physical intimacy was involved with someone outside of the relationship. Some believe that watching pornography is infidelity. Some feel emotional intimacy with another is cheating. And then, what about relationships with others that are strictly occurring online or via text? It is important that each individual and couple define for themselves what constitutes infidelity in their relationship.
All relationships implicitly or explicitly have an agreement that includes:
the number of partners in the relationship,
how sexual and emotional needs are fulfilled, and
whether those needs are met exclusively within the relationship.
Anytime there is a breach in the agreement, where needs are being met outside of the relationship without the partner’s consent, that is a sure sign you have engaged in infidelity.
What Causes Infidelity?
There are many reasons why a partner may engage in infidelity. Most commonly, infidelity occurs when one partner’s needs are not being met by the other. This includes sexual needs, emotional needs, or practical needs.
Other reasons may include:
Low self esteem
There is an absence of emotional or physical affection
Inability to communicate their needs in effective manner
Issues related to physical health (chronic pain or disability)
Issues related to mental health (depression, anxiety, grief)
Active addiction (porn, sex, gambling, drugs or alcohol)
Marital distress (fear of intimacy or conflict avoidance)
Life transitions (parenthood, empty nesting, retirement)
Is it Possible to Mend your Marriage and Recover After an Affair?
Infidelity is a huge wake up call for your relationship. Status quo is not an option and most couples decide to either end the relationship or fight hard to recover and heal.
For many couples, couples therapy is helpful in overcoming infidelity and helps reestablish trust. The therapist plays a critical role in the success of the relationship as most couples get stuck in cycles of blaming, arguing and defensiveness if they attempt to resolve this on their own. The therapist can moderate the discussion, provide insight, and slow the reactivity down enough to help you understand and share your underlying feelings and needs with one another.
Infidelity is never easy, but the good news is that you can survive it and you can emerge even stronger and more resilient than ever. With a non judgmental, and empathetic stance, your couples therapist offers you the best chance of success. You too may heal from this devastating experience.
How does Affair Recovery Counselling Work?
Infidelity usually includes an aspect of secrecy and a loss of trust. It also massively undermines the attachment bond between the partners. Your spouse is supposed to be the one person in the world who you can trust the most, that provides you with a sense of protection and belonging. You are each other’s rock, so to speak. So when that trust is injured, the pain is deep and you're heartbroken. The perception that your partner is dependable, who prioritizes you and the relationship, is compromised. The foundation of your relationship crumbles and you lose that sense of stability you once had. You may feel like you will never be able to trust your partner again.
Your couples therapist aims to enhance trust and prioritize rebuilding the bond between you. This is accomplished by using a structured approach. Strong emotions arise when a partner is betrayed. The emotions either lead to strong protests fueled by fear, hurts and anxieties or defensive reactions and avoidance. The couples therapist will help you look at altering negative patterns of communication where you and your partner can learn new ways to express your emotions. You will process what happened so you can each make better sense of why the betrayal occurred. You are then in a greater position to resolve the infidelity by showing genuine remorse, processing the forgiveness, and determining how to navigate your future together.
Affair Recovery can Help You
work through and heal from the affair
address any unresolved problems that were happening in the relationship before the affair
share your feelings of loneliness, arguments and feelings of disconnection with one another, which may have been present in your relationship prior to the affair